Today I took care of my (almost) 9 month old baby girl who had a slight fever (100.5-101.7 degrees) and the most nauseating snot-dripping nose I've ever seen in my life. It was like that first ghost they confront in the movie Ghost Busters who slimes Bill Murray. Except it was my cute little kid and she kept sliming the front of my t-shirt and smearing snot across her own face.
I can handle a lot of things but snot isn't one of them. She can (and has) puked all over herself. I had no issue scooping her up, stripping her down, bathing her, and cleaning her off. The smell of puke doesn't get to me. When she was only a week or so old, she sharted poop in my face (I have pictures if you don't believe me.) The sight and smell of poop doesn't get to me either. BUT the sound of snot in her sinuses, the stringy drips towards her mouth, or even the cute-ish snot bubbles make me gag. The thought of it right now is making me nauseous.
It wasn't too bad overall though. She started off the day pretty normal. Happy, chatting up her little stuffed animals about her dreams the night before. Within a couple hours though it was clear this was not going to be a normal day.
Nothing could have prepared me for the amount of poop I found in her second diaper change. Now I've heard nightmares and have experienced poop that goes up the back, stains clothes, and all that. But this poop wasn't runny so didn't actually escape her diaper at all. What I found though was what appeared to be a second diaper underneath the actual one, but made out of brownish-yellow pastey poop. Literally, from the top of the diaper in the back, all the way under her heinder/hoo-ha areas, and up the front was a half-inch thick layer of poop. There are techniques one can usually use to help isolate the area that needs wiping but they all proved ineffective. After using a dozen (*eco-friendly product plug*) Seventh Generation chlorine-free baby wipes, two tiny heals dipping in the yuck-ness, and four 35-year old knuckles chalked in pastey poop I got a fresh diaper on her. All in all, mission accomplished.
The rest of the day she decided we would snuggle and she would use my shirt as her snot rag. I agreed but wouldn't look down to see what color slime she was leaving me.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Freedom
Today 'freedom' to me is breaking free from my relationship with Verizon Wireless. It was so refreshing to finally call it quits after almost 5 years with those scum bags. No more 'mistakes' on my bills. No more 'there's $50 deductible' even though I paid for the insurance on my phone. No more 'you went over your text message limit so we had to charge you $25 for each additional text'.
I'm free. At least until I sign up with U.S. Cellular and have to figure out their little billing tricks. But for right now, at this moment, I'm free of any mobile device and it feels really good.
I'm free. At least until I sign up with U.S. Cellular and have to figure out their little billing tricks. But for right now, at this moment, I'm free of any mobile device and it feels really good.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
'Sconsin-ites
I'm roughly 3 months into my first full winter since I left Chicago in April 2000. I lived in Santa Barbara, CA until last September (2008) when I moved to Central-ish Wisconsin. All things considered I'm not doing so poorly.
I am smelling rather poorly. I spend a lot more time indoors than I'm used to and may be experiencing Cabin Fever. I haven't been officially diagnosed with Cabin Fever but extra-greasy hair, stinky-sweaty-house-slipper feet, and crusty eyes are my primary symptoms. More than anything I think I have Cabin Fever because I am extraordinarily sensitive to the cold.
One thing is for certain, there's a distinct difference between me and people who have been living here for a while. I refer to them as 'Sconsin-ites. First, when the temperature is in the upper 20s or low 30s, 'Sconsin-ites don't need jackets. This spurs conversations like;
Me: "You know what the difference between twenty-eight degrees and negative ten is?"
Sconsin-ite: "What?"
Me: "Not a fuckin' thing!"
They laugh it off and walk away rumbling something about 'a silly hippy'.
Second, when I hint a mention of the specific warm-weather season (I'm not allowed to say aloud) 'they' respond unfavorably. Sue me! I'm new here and I'm close to losing my mind on this glacier! The thought of what the warm season brings here is the only thing keeping me going.
These are two fundamental differences between myself and the locals with regard to winter. I believe I'm well within my right to blame California for this. Seventy-ish to Eighty-ish degrees year round spoils people but more importantly it completely messes with one's internal ability to sense variance in cold. One's threshold to cope with any type of cold weather is therefore skewed. I'll just say that my body is no longer calibrated to cold weather. Hence, the feeling that anything lower than forty degrees now qualifies as "FUCKING COLD".
Unless there's snow, sleet, or freezing rain coming I don't need to know the details. Unless it's going to be warmer than 40, don't tell me what the temperature is! When I check noaa.gov, that's what I want to see. None of this "Partly cloudy, with a low around -11. Wind chill values between -15 and -20." NOOO!!! "Partly cloudy, FUCKING COLD." That's it, that's all I need or want to know.
I am smelling rather poorly. I spend a lot more time indoors than I'm used to and may be experiencing Cabin Fever. I haven't been officially diagnosed with Cabin Fever but extra-greasy hair, stinky-sweaty-house-slipper feet, and crusty eyes are my primary symptoms. More than anything I think I have Cabin Fever because I am extraordinarily sensitive to the cold.
One thing is for certain, there's a distinct difference between me and people who have been living here for a while. I refer to them as 'Sconsin-ites. First, when the temperature is in the upper 20s or low 30s, 'Sconsin-ites don't need jackets. This spurs conversations like;
Me: "You know what the difference between twenty-eight degrees and negative ten is?"
Sconsin-ite: "What?"
Me: "Not a fuckin' thing!"
They laugh it off and walk away rumbling something about 'a silly hippy'.
Second, when I hint a mention of the specific warm-weather season (I'm not allowed to say aloud) 'they' respond unfavorably. Sue me! I'm new here and I'm close to losing my mind on this glacier! The thought of what the warm season brings here is the only thing keeping me going.
These are two fundamental differences between myself and the locals with regard to winter. I believe I'm well within my right to blame California for this. Seventy-ish to Eighty-ish degrees year round spoils people but more importantly it completely messes with one's internal ability to sense variance in cold. One's threshold to cope with any type of cold weather is therefore skewed. I'll just say that my body is no longer calibrated to cold weather. Hence, the feeling that anything lower than forty degrees now qualifies as "FUCKING COLD".
Unless there's snow, sleet, or freezing rain coming I don't need to know the details. Unless it's going to be warmer than 40, don't tell me what the temperature is! When I check noaa.gov, that's what I want to see. None of this "Partly cloudy, with a low around -11. Wind chill values between -15 and -20." NOOO!!! "Partly cloudy, FUCKING COLD." That's it, that's all I need or want to know.
Friday, December 12, 2008
A Letter To My Blog
Dear Blog,
I know it's been way too long since I wrote. It's not you, it's me. You did nothing to deserve this and it's my selfish ways that has you wondering 'what happened to us?'
I can honestly say that I still love you but things have certainly changed between us. First and foremost I'm not '2,081 Miles from Chicago'. What used to define us, makes little to no sense at all. I've moved on, literally, and am now only 218 miles away. I know that we should feel closer and it's my fault we don't. In my defense a lot has changed since we last spent time together.
All I can tell you is I'll try to re-kindle the fire we once had. I know these are just words but isn't that honestly all we've ever had? For now you'll just have to trust that my word is hope and that hope is the promise of a new day.
All my love,
Blogger
I know it's been way too long since I wrote. It's not you, it's me. You did nothing to deserve this and it's my selfish ways that has you wondering 'what happened to us?'
I can honestly say that I still love you but things have certainly changed between us. First and foremost I'm not '2,081 Miles from Chicago'. What used to define us, makes little to no sense at all. I've moved on, literally, and am now only 218 miles away. I know that we should feel closer and it's my fault we don't. In my defense a lot has changed since we last spent time together.
All I can tell you is I'll try to re-kindle the fire we once had. I know these are just words but isn't that honestly all we've ever had? For now you'll just have to trust that my word is hope and that hope is the promise of a new day.
All my love,
Blogger
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Dogs vs People Revisted
This past year I wrote why the more people I meet, the more I love my dog. Well, that certainly balanced out a bit when my baby arrived this past May. Then something happened almost the minute the baby met our dogs that shifted the balance back to where I started.
Zoe, the older (and wiser) of our two dogs approached the baby within the first few minutes we were home. She gently climbed halfway up the couch, learched up towards the baby, gave her a couple sniffs, then a kiss, climbed back off the couch, turned, and sat facing away from my wife and baby in an obvious protective posture. Since then Zoe has taken upon herself to be Hannah's personal body guard.
The 4-6 months leading up to birth Zoe was super neurotic. She was always trying to crawl under Kelley's skin during the pregnancy. She would sit next to her and start shaking uncontrollably like some dogs do when they hear thunder. We couldn't understand what was up with her. Since the baby arrived she's totally content; happy all the time. She knew something was going on and she didn't quite understand it. We think it was freaking her out.
Anyone who says that dogs don't have a 6th sense are out of their minds and don't deserve to own one of these glorious animals anyway.
Zoe, the older (and wiser) of our two dogs approached the baby within the first few minutes we were home. She gently climbed halfway up the couch, learched up towards the baby, gave her a couple sniffs, then a kiss, climbed back off the couch, turned, and sat facing away from my wife and baby in an obvious protective posture. Since then Zoe has taken upon herself to be Hannah's personal body guard.
The 4-6 months leading up to birth Zoe was super neurotic. She was always trying to crawl under Kelley's skin during the pregnancy. She would sit next to her and start shaking uncontrollably like some dogs do when they hear thunder. We couldn't understand what was up with her. Since the baby arrived she's totally content; happy all the time. She knew something was going on and she didn't quite understand it. We think it was freaking her out.Anyone who says that dogs don't have a 6th sense are out of their minds and don't deserve to own one of these glorious animals anyway.
Friday, June 6, 2008
The World Can Change in a Day
The world can change in a day, at least my perception of it did on May 26th, 2008. That was the day that I truly felt like I saw myself and who I am for the very first time. It happens in flash, with all kinds of excitement and distractions along the way that blinds you to the fact that everything you've ever known is about to change. The breathing, the counting, encouraging this difficult task that eternally gives me a greater appreciation and respect for my own mother and now the mother of my child. May 26, 2008 was the first day in the life of my very own little miracle. We named her Hannah Eve.
In what felt like a millisecond of time my everything changed. It's not something I think I could describe in a fashion that would make complete sense to anyone who isn't a parent. I can't confirm that anyone or everyone who has their first child feels the same as I do. I can confirm though that the experience is simply 'amazing'. That I got to share 50% of my DNA with another human being is a great honor. One that I hope I'll never take lightly or for granted.
In the first couple days after she was born I found myself thinking to when I was a child and angrily told my parents 'I didn't ask to be born!' I don't recall what they ever said back to me, if anything but today I know what I'd say if presented with the same argument/logic. I'd reply, 'No, you didn't ask to be born but you were lucky enough to be born to your mother and I who love you more than you know.' I don't expect an enlightened response if this conversation ever does happen. With any luck, one day, my little angel will get to experience this same change I have over the past couple weeks.
In many ways one doesn't change at all 'in a flash' and maybe I haven't really changed like I feel I have. All I know is my heart is fuller than it's ever been, I feel more content than I ever have, and my life has more purpose than I've ever felt before. Amazingly, I feel no anxiety about all the unknown trials I'll inevitably encounter as a parent; I welcome them and feel up to the challenge. The challenge is part of the excitement and opportunity.
In what felt like a millisecond of time my everything changed. It's not something I think I could describe in a fashion that would make complete sense to anyone who isn't a parent. I can't confirm that anyone or everyone who has their first child feels the same as I do. I can confirm though that the experience is simply 'amazing'. That I got to share 50% of my DNA with another human being is a great honor. One that I hope I'll never take lightly or for granted.In the first couple days after she was born I found myself thinking to when I was a child and angrily told my parents 'I didn't ask to be born!' I don't recall what they ever said back to me, if anything but today I know what I'd say if presented with the same argument/logic. I'd reply, 'No, you didn't ask to be born but you were lucky enough to be born to your mother and I who love you more than you know.' I don't expect an enlightened response if this conversation ever does happen. With any luck, one day, my little angel will get to experience this same change I have over the past couple weeks.
In many ways one doesn't change at all 'in a flash' and maybe I haven't really changed like I feel I have. All I know is my heart is fuller than it's ever been, I feel more content than I ever have, and my life has more purpose than I've ever felt before. Amazingly, I feel no anxiety about all the unknown trials I'll inevitably encounter as a parent; I welcome them and feel up to the challenge. The challenge is part of the excitement and opportunity.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
This Land is Your Land, This Land is My Land
A friend of mine in Wisconsin likes to send me these types of emails (see below.) Not because he believes in them (I hope) but because he loves to get a rise out of me and see what I think. Read on, if you can stand it...
Original e-Mail:
"Let me make this perfectly clear!
THIS IS MY COUNTRY!
And, because I make this statement DOES NOT mean I'm against immigration!!!
YOU ARE WELCOME HERE IN MY COUNTRY.
Welcome to come through like everyone else has.
Get a sponsor!
Get a place to lay your head!
Get a job!
Live by OUR rules!
Pay YOUR taxes!
And LEARN THE LANGUAGE LIKE ALL OTHER IMMIGRANTS HAVE IN THE PAST!!!
AND PLEASE DON'T DEMAND THAT WE HAND OVER OUR
LIFETIME SAVINGS OF SOCIAL SECURITY FUNDS TO YOU
TO MAKE UP FOR ''YOUR'' LOSSES.
If you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone,
Then YOU'RE PART OF THE PROBLEM!
When will AMERICAN'S STOP giving away THEIR RIGHTS???
We've gone so far the other way .. Bent over backwards not to WAKE UP America !!!
If you agree, pass this on. If you don't agree, delete it!!!
Offend anyone? But it seems no one cares about the AMERICAN that's being offended!"
This was my response:
Is this how you feel or are you asking me to respond? Since I know that many Americans believe the message below (now above) as the truth, I'll give my argument...
I'd find this funny, except I have a basic education and knowledge of how "we" ended up in North America.
Do the American people understand the term "Indigenous Culture"? Definition: any ethnic group who inhabit the geographic region with which they have the earliest historical connection. Simply put, this is what the peoples that existed here in North America (Canada, USA, and Mexico) are, like these Mexicans you say can have "their country".
"We", meaning the European Conquerors who came to North America on boats and ethnically cleansed the Indigenous peoples with disease and guns, are Indigenous to Europe. If we remove our arrogance and self-righteous nature and admit we stole this land from them, then who's country is it really? So, to say "this is our country, that is yours" is pretty narrow minded and self-centered. But I understand why we as Americans think this way, we're the best and we deserve it.
Fortunately for my conscience I don't think or feel this way.
~Keith 'Liberal-ish FIB'
Original e-Mail:
"Let me make this perfectly clear!
THIS IS MY COUNTRY!
And, because I make this statement DOES NOT mean I'm against immigration!!!
YOU ARE WELCOME HERE IN MY COUNTRY.
Welcome to come through like everyone else has.
Get a sponsor!
Get a place to lay your head!
Get a job!
Live by OUR rules!
Pay YOUR taxes!
And LEARN THE LANGUAGE LIKE ALL OTHER IMMIGRANTS HAVE IN THE PAST!!!
AND PLEASE DON'T DEMAND THAT WE HAND OVER OUR
LIFETIME SAVINGS OF SOCIAL SECURITY FUNDS TO YOU
TO MAKE UP FOR ''YOUR'' LOSSES.
If you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone,
Then YOU'RE PART OF THE PROBLEM!
When will AMERICAN'S STOP giving away THEIR RIGHTS???
We've gone so far the other way .. Bent over backwards not to WAKE UP America !!!
If you agree, pass this on. If you don't agree, delete it!!!
Offend anyone? But it seems no one cares about the AMERICAN that's being offended!"
This was my response:
Is this how you feel or are you asking me to respond? Since I know that many Americans believe the message below (now above) as the truth, I'll give my argument...
I'd find this funny, except I have a basic education and knowledge of how "we" ended up in North America.
Do the American people understand the term "Indigenous Culture"? Definition: any ethnic group who inhabit the geographic region with which they have the earliest historical connection. Simply put, this is what the peoples that existed here in North America (Canada, USA, and Mexico) are, like these Mexicans you say can have "their country".
"We", meaning the European Conquerors who came to North America on boats and ethnically cleansed the Indigenous peoples with disease and guns, are Indigenous to Europe. If we remove our arrogance and self-righteous nature and admit we stole this land from them, then who's country is it really? So, to say "this is our country, that is yours" is pretty narrow minded and self-centered. But I understand why we as Americans think this way, we're the best and we deserve it.
Fortunately for my conscience I don't think or feel this way.
~Keith 'Liberal-ish FIB'
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